Marketing Magic T-Shirts

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Team Leader

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

Elevator Pitch

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

Falling stocks appear to be rising when man stands on his head.

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

'My market doesn't understand me.'

'Lucky for us, there's a sucker born every minute.'

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

Entertainment systems

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

You trip on it, you buy it.

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"Now the first thing you have to do is to get a client's attention."

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"