Market Meme Maker Pillows

'I need you to cheer up the investors.'

Polly txt speak

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Moses separating his Laundry.

Moses on the web

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

"OMG, LOL!"

Weird things I do because of the internet

I crawled out of a toilet and ate a guy. Say my name 3 times in a mirror. I dare you. No one suspects I'm Slenderman. She took me home. Then she woke up in a tub of ice missing a kidney. Urban Legends-in-Their-Own-Minds.

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

Sistine Selfie

Leonardo Da Vinci paints a selfie

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"Tinnitus?"

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"Should we take pics of our feed for Instagram?"

'I hate it when I have to talk on my phone.'

Dinosaur Group Think

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

American Gothic Selfie

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

"Go on in—he's expecting you."

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

A cat spells out Google in its litter box.

'Tweet me when I'm flagged...hashtag 'drunk'.'

Hall of Fake Presidents

Obama II