Marital Therapy Pillows

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"I say 'tomarto', he says 'tomayto', I say 'portarto', he says 'potayto'. Why else do you think we're here?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Relationship Warning Lights

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Try Mediation

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Great Therapy!'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"We don't talk anymore."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"He refuses to talk and he never listens."

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

WHO checklist

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"