Manuscript Mentor T-Shirts

"I can see you drew heavily from your own bad writing."

'I think you've stinted on the sex.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Proceedings of the club

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."