Managerial Training Pillows

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"I came here to get in shape, young man! What does me picking up your bar bill have to do with it?"

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

"You've all been working very hard lately, and you deserve some time off. I'm giving you all a two-day membership to time-off.com."

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

"Effective leadership is more than just telling everybody to be like you!"

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"I want to learn how to talk the talk."

Communication Breakdowns

Try to hold your audience's attention when giving a presentation.

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

"But we've been interviewing like this for years...why would we want to change now?"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

"You call that complementary!?!"

"Let's pay special attention to today's corporate training topic: 'Diversity in the Workplace'."

"Well I hope that gives you a flavour of what the work is about...any questions?"

'If you can control your emotions I will make you a branch manager. Yippee.'

Tragically Roger was to discover that his 'managing aggression' seminar did not work in a wilderness setting.

'Before you begin, I'd like to thank you for coming in early to do this on such short notice.'

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

'I want to thank you for sending me to those Excellency training classes.'