Management Strategies Gifts

'For some strange reason personnel want us to review our equal opportunities employment policies!'

"It's simple, really. Just figure out what the honorable thing to do is – and make it look like we did it."

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

'Oh,he's ok if you get on the right side of him.'

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

"We have a REALLY high turnover rate here."

'You're wrong!...Rules are not just rough guidelines.'

'...always surround yourself with incompetent people.'

Office temperature.

'I started out as a yes man, but I've evolved into a plucky devil's advocate who always sides with the boss in the end.'

'I've added this up six times and still can't get it to balance!'

'Right, you become responsible for anything I do wrong.'

'Next time she asks for your honest opinion, keep quiet.'

Thinking outside the box.

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'Keep an eye on young Yomp, he's excellent at damning others with faint praise.'

"Is there anything ELSE we can do to improve the workstations?"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"It's just like musical chairs, every day we block off one more space, everyone gets in early, we get more work out of them!"

"I think I can consider you to be a well balanced member of the team."

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'