Management Practices Gifts

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

'When the music stops, sit down in the nearest chair. Whoever doesn't get a chair is redundant.'

"I don't believe in hierarchies, just higher chairs."

Human resources/Dehumanised resources.

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"You'll like it here, Ted, it's a scapegoat-rich environment,"

Open Door Policy

Employer of the month...and every month.

'You're likeable, Edgeway. However, only the least likeable get promoted to management.'

'I need you to hold your ear to the ground to find out what the employees are up to...'

"Management is about delegation, so I'm delegating you to sack yourself."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'