Management Practices Gifts

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

'When the music stops, sit down in the nearest chair. Whoever doesn't get a chair is redundant.'

Human resources/Dehumanised resources.

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"You'll like it here, Ted, it's a scapegoat-rich environment,"

Open Door Policy

Employer of the month...and every month.

'You're likeable, Edgeway. However, only the least likeable get promoted to management.'

'I need you to hold your ear to the ground to find out what the employees are up to...'

"Management is about delegation, so I'm delegating you to sack yourself."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'