Management Critique Enthusiast Pillows

'We rely on our outside consultant so nobody here can take the blame.'

'How did the review go?'

Office temperature.

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

Subordinate Employee

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

Leadership Training

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

The little engine that delegated

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Waste Management.

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

'It's important that I see eye-to-eye with any consultants we bring in.'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

Employer of the month...and every month.

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

"Employee satisfaction is of utmost importance and I'm not leaving this chair till you are satisfied."

The Buck Stops Here.

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

Company Structure - Boss and his yes men.

"This is Bernard, our new management consultant. He is going to be responsible for draining the lifeblood out of staff in a relentless attempt to reach increasingly unachievable and meaningless targets."

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

Yes-Man Training Seminar.

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

What is the difference between a boss and a leader?

'I'm appalled, the bank's limited my bonus to 'grossly sickening' when I've earned 'outrageous'.'