Management Critique Lover Pillows

PINKNEY, BARLINGER, THURLOW AND ORKLAND - Powers That Be.

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

The art of middle management

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Waste Management.

"This is Mr. Norris. He'll be coming on board as a human shield."

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

"The boss went undercover and got fired the very first day!"

The Buck Stops Here.

Employer of the month...and every month.

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"Something tells me his demands may be difficult to meet."

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'