Mama's Guidance Seeker Gifts

'Well General? What is today's inspirational message from your mother?'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

A push in the right direction: 50c.

Preparing for a new arrival

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

Muy mum rocks.

'I should have listened to my Mum, she always said, 'Never underestimate how fast a zebra can run'.'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'You know, it isn't the mother's texting while delivering that bothers, it's those damn selfies they upload to Facebook.

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Innie Outie

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

Maternity Room: Push, Push, Push.

"Go ask your mother."

"Okay, once again. I'm your pastor, not your 'guru'."

Life hasn't been the same since Mum took up taekwondo!

"I wish you wouldn't repeat everything I shouldn't have said."

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

Surrogate patchwork mom

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"Don't make me come over there."

Pregnancy style expectation vs reality

"I need to see the Father."

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

'If I had my time over again, I'd be too young to go out with boys.'

'No, I didn't get the promotion again: It's hard to build a career when you're on Maternity Leave every few months...'

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

"Baldo, school has always been about learning, expanding your mind, becoming a better person."

'I nominated you for class mother elections and you won.'