Malacology Gifts

'Help!'

'If provoked - his remarks can be scathing.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

The new normal

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

Meanwhile, in Florida: Little Free Library/Little Free Firearms

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

Totalitarian Humour

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"I knew we'd eventually catch him. He can't run and run as fast as he once did."

"Our therapist couple be so proud of us now."

'I hate frisking magicians!'

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

Mobsters at the Beach

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

Old West Bounty Hunter.

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

Racial Profiling

Scars and Bars

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

Family traits.

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'