Malacology Gifts

'Help!'

'If provoked - his remarks can be scathing.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

The new normal

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

Meanwhile, in Florida: Little Free Library/Little Free Firearms

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Our therapist couple be so proud of us now."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Totalitarian Humour

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"Careful! He knows computers."

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

'I hate frisking magicians!'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

Family traits.

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

Scars and Bars

Old West Bounty Hunter.

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

Mobsters at the Beach

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."