Majesty Lover T-Shirts

"He's really let this 'majestic bird' thing go to his head."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

"The knights of the round accent table"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

New Shoes.

'How about a game of cards?'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Dragon and Dragoff

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Kensington Fluffies

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Don't be nervous, relax...he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do. Of course, his pants are tailor made and cost $600 a pair...'

Woman thinking about luxuries.

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"How much?! Blimey, to get my money's worth, I'd need to use it EVERY WEEK!"

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'