Magic Mishap Enthusiast Pillows

Magician hitting someone while performing a trick.

"The card you are thinking of is... the fifth of Jacks!"

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

Magician tells of Apprentice

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

'I wish you'd told me your brother worked for the Mirror before we got him to do the wedding pictures.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"Melisa! - Your spelling is atrocious!"

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

spellchecker

'I can't turn it off.'

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

A sporting gent practising for the hunting season.

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

Dyslexic Palm Reading

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

"Why is it that the laws of inevitability always seem higher on ladies day?"

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Please—no technology questions!"

'Holy shit!'

A little green monster

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Broken hospital sign.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

"Michael Bolton at Folsom Prison"

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"Please excuse our new employee, sir--he used to work in the circus."

Two hunters and a near miss

'Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake.'