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You're going down. In your dreams. Let's do this thing. Kerboom! Jalapeno eating champ! Let's chug insects. Men.

Soldiers' Ego

Macho Vegetarian

Alpha males through the ages!

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

Man with many tattoos.

"One last question, Berlinger. Is it just you, or is the whole damn Accounting Department shot full of steroids?"

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

Before you brag to your buddies about how you ate the worm at the bottom of a bottle of tequila, I should tell you that you really are the larval from of the moth Hypopta Agavis, which is, of course, a far less macho thing to do. Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.

"Come on. One more. You got it..." "It's so cute when they do that."

"Take no notice of George - it's just because he opened a jam jar earlier!"

'That rig has made me feel more like a man than any woman ever did.'

"There's one telltale sign a man is interested in you....He weeps when you mercilessly mock him and all that he holds dear....It also weeds out the 'men' who are afraid to cry."

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

'I have to convince him it's not going to ruin his macho image if he bunts.'

Arm and leg wrestling.

"If it's your chair, man up and get him out of it!"

Rhinovirus (Common Cold) vs Rhinovirus-M (Man Cold)

'Will you sorry excuse for Vikings shut up and go to sleep?!'

'My speed limit is bigger than yours.'

'Bad hairy-chest day.'

Macho Males: Putin and Obama

I have an awful headache. Do you have an aspirin? Not so fast, little buddy. A real man doesn't mask his symptoms with pharmaceuticals. Even if it feels like a jackhammer on his forehead, a real man grits his teeth and bears it. A real man rides it out the way he'd ride out a bucking bronco. Not everything in life is a test of my manhood. A real man would beg to differ.

"Mom said grandpa killed it so his penis would feel bigger."

'He's a big softie really'.

The Men Thing. . .

'Oh yeah? Step outside and say that!'

"This is your second cousin Narciso. When he was small, he wanted to be a bullfighter."

'Do you have a hat for every day of the week, Clancy?'

'My mom would never let me get one before.'

'I told you it was a full bodied wine, but you just had to mess with it.'

'Remember, talk up your athlete's foot -- it's the most macho thing about you.'

"Now that's a splinter."

"Reggie 'The Butcher' Baker just found out that everyone knows his wife calls him 'love dumpling'."