Lyrical Lingo Wizard T-Shirts

'Y.C.M.A.? Looks like we got dyslexic disco dancers in the house.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'Do you have any catsup?'

Fast food. Even faster food

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Backfire

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."