Luxury Vacations Gifts

"What's the best ailment I could claim to convince my husband that I need a luxury cruise?"

There is no hurricane season in Aruba...

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

La Table

Lifestyles of the hamsters of the rich and famous.

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

I'm looking forward tot he day we can afford some real statues for this place.

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Private Jet

(I ride a harley, I drive a porsche, I smoke cigars, I drink martinis...) (So, ….You're impotent?)

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

The Desert Island Package

"You can enhance your experience in first class by signing up to get live updates of how miserable everyone in coach is."

"Hey, look at me, I'm a space billionaire."

"Baby, with your money and my money, we could really buy places."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

"One day he went for a swim in our infinity pool, and I haven't seen him since."

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'It's the bill for your trip to France. When you called to ask if it was okay to bathe in Champagne, I thought you meant the place.'

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

The Queen Mary 2: World's largest ocean liner.

'There are articles all over the press about how stress can kill you!'

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

"Shortly after I realized I had plenty, I realized there was plenty more."

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

Ladies who lunch.