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"Doctor, I'm fairly certain we've been feeding the wrong end for a week."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Jester Surgeon

'Let's play doctor. You can be my malpractice lawyer.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

'Is it urgent?'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

'Brain surgery, right?'

Love Tap

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

'You sounded better yesterday.'

'We've decided it might be better to show your televised operation after the 9 o'clock watershed...'

'For god's sake Walters, wait until the patient is fully anesthetized before going through his wallet.'

"But the P.R. guy says he's going to be O.K."

Operation/Grim Reaper

"I wish I could help you, but you're on the set of a hospital soap opera."

"I'm confident he'll pull through. The tests show there is plenty of fight left in him."

'All right, so he dropped the heart. The floor is clean.'