Lovers Of Awkward Humor Pillows

'I see by your resume that you're the A - hole whose banging my wife!'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"You might want to get that fly off your face."

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Cow Pat Planning

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I told you not to order the Zamboni."

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

The crown

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

Ice fisherman using plunger to catch fish

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'It was my late grandmother's. She would've wanted you to have it.'

"The cod's off, but you can have whale and chips."

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little water and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'

Snowmen during the Stone Age...

"You forget sometimes how much football owes to the dance."

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

'Happy Valentine's Day!'

The one thing that drives elephants wild is sickeningly sweet elevator music.

Village People Auditions.

"Whoa whoa whoa, I haven't even told you my safe word yet!"

'How long shall we wait until we start eating each other?'

'I'm addicted to being against drugs!'

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

"I'm a freelance radiologist."

'We can mail these thank you cards now that I've forged your name.'

Things you don't want to hear on a blind date.