Lover Of Twists T-Shirts

"I want to huff and puff and blow down a big beautiful wall."

Snake charmer has been eaten by his snake.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

Diet Sugar House.

'What are you implying?'

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

False starts.

Next on Fox! Clowns Without Makeup.

"Mother, I've sold the cow on the dark web for 3 bitbeans."

Deux Ex Mechanic

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

Hansel and Gretal.

'Trick or treat!' Now if you could just enter your PIN.'

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

"I didn't have time to go shopping,so I just wrote him a nice check."

Dancing with death.

The modern version.

'Before we get married, Doris, there is something I need to get off my chest.'

An executioner practices beheading with his son on a tee-ball.

"Velcro!"

Safe is actually window to men's bathroom.

Santa takes the lift to the roof.

Take a ride with the reaper.

Plane spells out 'Will you marr...' Inauspicious beginnings.

The following morning, Jack somehow sensed that what his 'magic beans' had turned into, although still quite unremarkable looking, had the ability to lift him above his humble, mundane life.

Finishing Line

They decided to settle out of court.