
'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'
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'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'
The Signing of tthe United States Constitution
"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."
"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."
Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!
'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'
First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.
Stop and Birch
"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"
"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"
'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''
"#notguilty."
"Not guilty?"
"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."
'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'
Intellectual Property
"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."
"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"
'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'
"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."
'Make him laugh, make him cry.'
How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023
'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'
'Way too much information on your resume.'
'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'
Arrogant junior barrister
'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'
"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."
'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'
'Do your lawyers have to be here?'
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."
"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."
'I'm here waiting appeals.'
"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."
"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"
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