Lover Of Ironic Comedy Mugs

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"Look! No hands!"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"You are still here."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

The Hammer

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'Where Are They Now?'

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

Anti-inflammation recipes

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"I'll have dessert first."