Lover Of Ironic Comedy T-Shirts

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

The Hammer

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"You are still here."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'Where Are They Now?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Anti-inflammation recipes

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.