Lover Of Cringe Comedy Pillows

"I wouldn't say you embarrassed yourself. It was more like social self-immolation."

"Bless You."

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

If you think Unicorns are lame, you should see a Unicorny.

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

'You had me at hell.'

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

'Pavlov's first experiment'

Coping with Normalcy

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"You invented a time machine to come back and hit Reply instead of Reply All?"

Aristophanes

Snowmen during the Stone Age...

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

"If she sings it's over."

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."

"I'm a freelance radiologist."

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

"Believe me, you don't want to know where it all comes from."

"Your deadliest sin was cheating at church bingo."

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

"OK, he's hooked–now reel him in."