Love Cynics T-Shirts

"You're really starting to bug me."

"I'm experimenting with an arrow that dramatically lowers expectations."

Man lies online saying that he is not married and his wife hits him over the head with her rolling pin.

'Can we kind of get married?'

"I gave everything to this man... everything! And what did he do? He cheats on me with a debt consultant!"

"...and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Always Compatible

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'Marry you? What's in it for me?'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I've been faking orgasms while he's been faking the long-term relationship.'

'Yes, but at least I don't fake the whole relationship.'

"We'll always hate Paris."