Love-centered Living Gifts

'I think babies grow in a mommy's tummy and adopted babies grow in a mommy's heart.'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

Why Do Old Hippies Smile?

You're the olive in my martini

"Swing me with your words."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Same sex families - it's about love, not sex, after all...

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Dating the efficiency expert.

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

Mine Shaft of Love.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"Oh-oh...the way she said 'Jason'...I think its time to define the relationship."

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

Aging together

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

...In a Relationship

How to feel confident in love & war

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

"I married for contrast."

Bumper Cars of Love.

'Pay no attention, they are a couple of ex husbands.'