Lotto Gifts

"No point buying our ticket here - the odds of them selling another big winner are ridiculous."

'It's just too much for him, poor love!'

"Ooh, that reminds me. I must remember to put my lottery numbers on."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

'I don't like to take chances.'

Why do you hate the media?

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Destination casinos...

"Have you been scratching this?"

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

Highlights for Adults

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

"Where's the NHS money coming from? Well, I've decided that we will invest £10,000 a week into Euro lottery tickets..."