Lottery Fan Prints

'...here are this week's lucky fur balls.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

"Have you been scratching this?"

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

Highlights for Adults

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."