Lost In A Mall Survivor T-Shirts

Well, look who's here.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Where can I find the lefts?"

Smart card.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

Brick and Mortar

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

You know retail is in a bad way when...

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'Kate was running late for work and to make matters worse she put a ladder in her stockings'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

Shopping Torture

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

Americana Mall

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

Man is attacked by barcodes.

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

New Mall

Elf-Help Group

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'