Lost In A Mall Survivor T-Shirts

Well, look who's here.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Where can I find the lefts?"

Smart card.

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Brick and Mortar

'Kate was running late for work and to make matters worse she put a ladder in her stockings'

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

You know retail is in a bad way when...

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

Shopping Torture

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

Man is attacked by barcodes.

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Elf-Help Group

New Mall

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'