London Properties Pillows

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'Greenwich in the Season'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Cargo Bay at Thames Warehouse

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

An exaggeration of estate agents

Home Sweet Second Home.

Mouse real estate!

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Igloo sales

'They're playing house.'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

Dog Realtor

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

Affordable housing - Mum and Dads.

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

UP Again: Housing Prices.