Investment Properties Pillows

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"I've invested in property..."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"The floors are hot lava, but the apartment does come furnished with plenty of pillows."

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Mouse real estate!

Home Sweet Second Home.

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"Sold his air rights."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

'It will cost more, but I suggest building from scratch instead of a gingerbread mix.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

The Speculators

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"