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Van Morrison starts legal battle with N Irish Govt. over blanket ban on live music

Glastonbury. After.

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

At the rock concert...

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

Chano Pozo,

"Free Bird!"

Occupational Hazards.

Steve Howe.

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

'That was Charlie Parker's 'Ornithology.' I threw in a flat nine in bar 16 and a tritone substitution in bar 22. Who noticed that? Hands up if you noticed!'

"This next song I wrote I won't sing due to political correctness."

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

I think we should stick to doing this with a piano.

'I'd like now to do a blues number, for those of you here on Viagra. It's called - Woke up Early One Morning.'

"Unfortunately, father never quite got over being asked to reform the band for Live Aid in the '80s."

Towny Music Night.

A man and a woman discussing the skill of the pianist.

'Nobody pays for music anymore.'

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

"We tried six speakers, then twelve, and finally we put in the Pittsburgh Symphony, yet we still feel something is lacking."

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'