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"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

First Novels.

The DaVinci Code

The Dorrie Decimal System

"Now I really hate poetry."

Voltaire

'He likes to power nap.'

Blue Stockings

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

John Bunyan

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

Don Quixote

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

Sue the Author 3PM

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

"Author does not do tricks."

"Oh, this old thing?"

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

"So, hw ws yr smmr?"

Treasure Island Book.

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."