Literary Monster Whisperer T-Shirts

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Your shoe's untied.'

The Worm Charmer

Turtle Hat

'Do worms feel pain? Of course not! As a matter of fact...'

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

''My Summer Vacation †the Untold Story'....'

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

'Look what I've got, Dad - Can I keep it?'

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."

"Well, looks like Bob has hooked another baby kraken."

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'I could eat you.'

Business man sees himself as a shark

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Sorry, I only eat organic, fair-trade, shade-grown, biodynamic, raw dirt.

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

"Earthworms are good guys, and birds are good guys—that's just life, honey."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"Yeah, birds are bad, but fishermen are the worst: they first stab you with a hook, then drown you to finish you off. . ."

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

Snake with 'toxic' sign around it's neck.

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

'Where are you going?'

'Please repeat, your last transmission was garbled.'

Spiders all over the place, "Hello, Guiness book of records?"

"Your wife says she's been watching you, and there are a lot of things you need to work on."

'Ach, Herr Scrooge - ghost of this, ghost of that...serious delusions.'