Literary Dreamer Gifts

'Let me know when you're ready for the Great American tuna fish sandwich.'

"The editor who turned down the first Harry Potter book, say hello to the publisher who took a pass on Stephen King."

"Let's say you want to write an award-winning short story—you just push this key, here..."

'I figured if you liked the first paragraph I'd go ahead and finish the book.'

"Great news! Your novel is in a medium-size pile in the middle of the floor about four feet from the left side of Oprah's assistant's desk."

Also by the Author...

Hardy gets writers block...

Writer's Block

"It hasn't been published yet. Bloody idiots wouldn't recognize a great book if it jumped up and bit them on the ass."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"Come on, honey, enough with the magic realism."

"Help! I've fallen into obscurity and I can't get up!"

Best Sellers/New Release/Books You Still Haven't Finished Yet Claire

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'Actually, I haven't written it yet, I'm doing the promotional tour first, to see if being an author is the right career move for me!'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

Rare Books / Exceedingly Rare Books / Never Published Books

"You've got about four books in you, but with any luck we can shrink those down to essays."

"What am I supposed to say when my friends ask why you're still a mid-list author?"

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

A woman reads a romance novel.

'I've got a great idea for a novel, but I'd hate to ruin it by putting it to paper.'

'These days my approach is to start with the Booker Prize acceptance speech and work backwards...'

'Another day...another blank page taunted him. 'How long can this block go on?' He wondered. 'I don't know,' said the paper.'

'My Life, The Sequel.'

'Me? Actually I'm a writer. . . Well, er, at the moment it's mainly job applications.'

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Tomb of the unpublished author.

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

Better than Chekhov

3:00 PM MEET THE AUTHOR. . .

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

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