Literary Agents Pillows

'A most powerful, moving and scary book - botanists will love it!'

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

The Anti-Agent

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'Is this your first book launch?'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Meet Santa's entourage

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

Snow White and her Seven people.

Book publisher telling author about some changes needed.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'