Art Agent Pillows

'My agent said that a title like 'The Condition of my Soul in the Face of the Misery on Earth' would sell better than 'Smashed Fly on Canvas'.'

'Jacques, have you ever thought about dying? Death is a great career move for artists.'

'Look as an artist, you're awful but if we tell no one, we'll make a fortune.'

"No honestly, your work is good, it's just not instagram good."

Larry's used art

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I think he was a celebrity."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Misunderstood artist

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Henry the amazing talking dog.

"Mum, I got the job!"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!