Art Dealer Pillows

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

"What good is art if you can't have fun with it?"

"I decided to cut out the pretense and get to the point!"

'Brilliant! I love it! I'll give you ?25,000!'

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

'I know art can be a good investment, but it's important to love what you collect.'

'Gentlemen,these are all Chinese fakes.'

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"Do I have a cough, a harumph, a wink, a tic? Sold then to the smirk for a million-five."

"I like it."

Modern Art - 'Bull' graph going up / 'Bear' graph going down

'Beautiful. But will it quadruple in value the next ten years?'

'It's fabulous! I'll give you ?25,000 for it!'

Sale

On some of the paintings my right brain says they're good art, but my left brain says they're bad investments. On others, my right brain says they're bad art, but my left brain says they're good investments.

Selling aspirin outside a Bridget Riley exhibition.

"Postmodern irony, right? - the creativity is in the price."

'I only buy art that I understand.'

Coffee Cartoon - Latte Art Exhibition.

Sotheby's?

"My art dealer assured me people will think it's worth a lot mo is."re than it

Sotheby's Happy Hour

'Pretend you're the Museum of Modern Art. Do you like it?'

'Would you consider selling one of these guys separately?'

"I like it. Just trying to imagine how it would look in my yoga studio."

"You got any insider art?"

The place is full of dealers.

"I think he was a celebrity."

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'I may not know art, but I know what I hate.'

Wholesale Prices Eliminate the Middleman Direct from the Studio.

"No sir. That isn't the artist's telephone number. That's the price tag"

'I'll take it.'