Listener Coach Gifts

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

Audio Books

Try me/try me/try me...

'It's true what they say, you really can hear the sea in these things!'

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

"I suppose we should start with listening skills!"

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

Attention Span Man

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

Cover story: Plant World.

"How can a student who can't speak English or Gobbledegook expect to pass?"

'Music hath charms,' &c.

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

It's so quiet. Listen to the sounds of nature! Pound pound thump. Pound thunk. Human nature.

"If you think I talk too much, you should come right out say so! That way we can talk about it."

The psychiatrist.

Onstage with the transgenic singers...

Science Applied to Art

"I'll knock 10% off this session as I wasn't really listening."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

'She doesn't know that listening is not the same as mentally rehearsing her answers.'

Here's your problem. You have an iPod.

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Sir, I was wondering if I could get an extension on my paper?'

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

Patient is listening to the doctors conference about him.

My Mother Is Dead But Her Body Is Still Alive

"My super powers are listening and downsizing my life."

'I think I'm highly insightful for my age and don't call me missy!'