Liquid Philosopher Pillows

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"It's important to get those drinks to those who need them the most."

'I don't know if this headache is due to last night's booze-up, or the thumping the wife gave me when I got home.'

'Without you as a friend, I'd be a hopeless drunk by now'

'What have you got in the way of a Cabernet Sauvignon for people who like Zinfandel when they can't find Merlot?'

'A quick one, Tommy. I'm running on empty.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I'm worried that I might have slept through my 'fifteen minutes of fame'.'

'You lifted your head.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'The secret to life, my friend, is hoppiness!'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

"Most of us get around the company motto by saying 'No can do' instead!"

'Miss Fogarty, I'm not having any fun.'

"Being my own boss sounds fun but I wouldn't be able to motivate myself."

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

'When I called her a witch, I had no idea...'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"I'm addicted to water."

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

"He's still bitter that bottled water ruined his reign as king of the water cooler."