Linesman Gifts

'The game's starting to get a bit niggly!'

The chess pieces that fell off the chequered flag

The javelin must be around here somewhere.

"Oh, he's not being rude. He's a football linesman - always has his back to the crowd."

"Ball boys ready? Linesmen ready? Players ready? Sound technologists ready?"

"I'm only going to say this once Fred! I have a sore throat and it hurts to talk. So put that back in your pocket and leave it there for the rest of the game!"

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"I'm having a party at my home, and you're all invited. Bob, you'll serve drinks. Anne, you serve the food. Ted, you'll park the car..."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

Line Manager

"FISH ON"

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

Bullets Bulls in the form of Bullets

Take Harris up in the company helicopter and throw him out.

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

'Let the ball do the work, son.'

Impatient queue of people. The signs read queue here,sigh heavily from here, and Tut Loudly from here.

'I'm here to help, you can tell me anything in complete confidence Jane, Jill...whatever your name is!'

'She said to read between the lines to infer the answer, but it's hard to see in between them because they're so close together.'

Some line managers like to use graphs in performance management meetings.

"Of course he looks superior - he's the line manager!"

Defensive Lineman

"It's NOT discrimination, Derek - it's just 'health and safety...'"

Headphones Strip 18: Shared profits

Patience Tested While You Wait.

A genetically bred super spider that spins utility lines.

Yellow Pencil

Chocolate factory workers on the job - one with his face covered with chocolate - 'Your first day on the job...?'

"I'm sensing that you have a job that carries a great amount of power."

'Figured out how to steal electricity yet?'

"Oh, go on. Let them have a go at shooting the cigarette out of your mouth... I mean, it's not like it'll matter if they miss and accidentally hit you."