Light Therapy Enthusiast Gifts

"It's for my depression. Go get your own."

"The interrogation was brutal, but the bright lights really helped relieve my seasonal affective disorder."

"Do I take it you're still suffering from SAD?"

"He read that these lights can help with depression..."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

X-ray Psychology.

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'We have three minutes left.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"You need to stop bottling it up."