Light-hearted Parent Mugs

"Where was I? I was either away from my desk or in a meeting."

'Completely unacceptable. I don't know how any son of mine could… Oh. OK, I see you even failed the DNA test.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

Husband and Child in Pram

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

'You can stop looking-I just remembered I didn't wear my retainer today. Funny, huh?'

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

"Oh come now, darling. When I was your age, I felt different, too."

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

'Tell dad he did a lousy paint job.'

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"

'Come on. You've been nursing that pint for hours!'

"Don’t tell Mommy, but it’s OK to use swear words during the playoffs."

'He came back home. Ran out of money.'

Father's Day