Light-hearted Fraud Investigator Gifts

'He's never been the same since he had his identity stolen!'

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'Crisis'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'Well you checked my £20 note so I'm checking the change you gave me!'

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

Financial Corruption

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

Fake Counterfeit Money

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

"Of course he's smiling, he spent all the company profits before he died."

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

Artwork in a gallery still has wet paint.

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

Berlitz guide to Scamese

Tax confusion.

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'