Life's Little Jokes Lover Gifts

Fish to friend regarding third fish leaving Precambrian ocean: 'There's been no living with him since he started to evolve.'

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

How it started: How it's going

"I think you may be getting them mixed up-Perot is the one with charts, and Perdue is the one with chickens."

Sick polar bear humour...

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

A signaller directing pallbearers

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

'I assume that's a rhetorical question.'

'Here comes the pimp.'

'Pavlov's first experiment'

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't collect on your mate's life insurance until he's died nine times.'

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

'There's something different about the vicar, He seems louder,'

'Second opinion? Come back tomorrow, I will probably have changed my mind by then...'

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

"Carl has decided that, with the economy being the way it is, he's going to be a stay at home son."

'I knew it! Come back here!'

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."

"Believe me, you don't want to know where it all comes from."

Dr. Raymond Hoffler Proctologist

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

"OK, he's hooked–now reel him in."

'Something's wrong here.'

"It's from the squirrels...they have the dog and will release him for one million peanuts!