Life Extension Pillows

'He got a deal where you die for two years now and get twenty extra years later.'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'I wish I were your age again, and knew what I know now.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I'm afraid this whole experiment is about to go south."

"Half-full. Those were the days."

A couple with a new baby

Spring branding on the Hashtag Ranch.

'You can forget about the fertility dance this year - we've already got ten kids!'

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

'Normally, I'd give a man in your condition six months to live, but we have a special this week on eight months!'

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

'But she's too ugly to be my duckling. I want a DNA test!'

'And I repeat. Live each day as though it were your last.'

"Thinking of buying a larger property are we, Madam?"

How?

Scolding

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel ... let down your hair extensions.'