Life Extension Pillows

'He got a deal where you die for two years now and get twenty extra years later.'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"We've done everything in this book, and more. There's nothing left."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'I wish I were your age again, and knew what I know now.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

"I'm afraid this whole experiment is about to go south."

That's Seven in Human Years

A couple with a new baby

"Half-full. Those were the days."

Spring branding on the Hashtag Ranch.

'You can forget about the fertility dance this year - we've already got ten kids!'

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

'Normally, I'd give a man in your condition six months to live, but we have a special this week on eight months!'

'But she's too ugly to be my duckling. I want a DNA test!'

'And I repeat. Live each day as though it were your last.'

How?

"Yep. Looks like I'm pregnant again."

"Thinking of buying a larger property are we, Madam?"