Life Change Observer Pillows

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Wentworth Street, Whitechapel'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"It's his emotional support animal."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'Long shift?'

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

Life and Death

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"I need a more interactive you."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

Maternity Hospital

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Mice 25¢

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

"Your sister got another promotion."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

Aging population in Cuba

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

Junior's Towel

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

"Some day I'll be choosing your nursing home."