Life After Death Philosopher Pillows

"You're lucky. If it wasn't for the autopsy, we never would've caught it."

"Call me?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Aging Support Group

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"They're very time-sensitive."

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

Apocalliptical

Who's Dead

Women

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"I don't think so."

Tom's last day.

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

"Thank you."