Lie Detectors Pillows

"Call it intuition or whatever, but I can't help thinking you may not be telling the truth."

Turtle Hat

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

Sportswasher's

"I'm not lying. I'm social distancing."

"How long do you think we'll get away with it?"

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

"We need to discuss your expense account."

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

'I detect you scanning my cards!'

'I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth ... almost.'

It isn't just the media that's biased...often the voters are too.

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

'I didn't say I majored in business administration - I said I took business administration.'

"He's lying! Just like all men! Oh God, mother was right, I'm never getting married, am I?"

'It's time that ball-kicking cheater got his. Tell mommy that daddy loves her, Ritchie... Here I go...'

Chimp, proficient in primate speech, outsmarts a lie detector.

'No, you're the plumber, you go and check how bad the leak is.'

Detectorist meteorite.

"This is Mr. Simmons, who we enticed away from our chief competitor. Of course, being a proven traitor, he can never be trusted."

This department will not countenance the back stab.

'You can only believe half of what you read on a cave wall.'

'Superman has Kryptonite ... he has toenail clippers.'

Personnel Screening. Do you have any objection to taking a lie detector test? Is my answer part of the test?

'I know you'll make a wonderful job of being unemployed!'

Coin Return 25¢

'The McCain-Palin ticket is now up two points in the polls over Obama-Biden.', 'Racism!', 'The Obama-Biden ticket is now up two points in the polls over McCain-Palin.', 'Sexism!'

'Quit trying to steal my intellectual property.'

'Homeland security! That sign has 'threat' written all over it!'

'Look at this! These little critters are not asexual after all.'

"How about one of those sunny old grandpas who make things look honest?"

"You may be interested to know that least one of your classmates was concerned enough about his grades to leave an envelope of cash on my desk yesterday afternoon."

'Can't heal you unless you believe.'

A scene from the tenth annual Tiger Woods Mistress Convention. ('Hi, Number 12! I wasn't sure you'd make it this year.' 'I know Number 233! It gets more crowded every year and Madison Square Garden isn't nearly big enough.')

'Just because my friend is dating your sister doesn't mean I'm going to pry into the specifics of their relationship.'