Liberated Lifer Gifts

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

Freedom!

'I've heard they don't do well outside captivity.'

"What a relief."

'I'm sixty-five. I'm retiring from being a house wife!'

Weight Watchers 'Rona Routines: Flatten the Curves

"The power's out again? So what do you do when that happens?"

'Aggressive Environmentalism'

"Police. Nobody move or groove."

"We had to get builders to stop hoarding land and start building houses...extreme forms of persuasion were called for!"

Spelling for Dumbies.

'The Chinese translation of 'Freedom of Speech' goes 'The less you talk the longer you'll be out of jail!''

"I shoulda' fucked every man I ever met."

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

"Look, let's just be gender-neutral about this and build a snowperson."

'Are you pulling my chain?'

"I think the dog wants out"

Caged Woman Releases Caged Bird.

Marriage Counsellor's room with lots of nude statues.

"I appreciate not having a leash, but that bone is driving me crazy."

The First Thong of Spring

The Sequels

Willie Nelson has played the same guitar for 50 years!

Say -- To Censorship

It's time to liberate myself, Java Joe's, hairdoo, Harold. Starting tomorrow, I'm going bra-less.

And when he lands a fish, he will rarely kill it - but will watch it return to the water...Happy to see it free once more...to give sport to some Brother Angler.

Arabic woman.

"Leftovers have never been a big problem around here."