Legal System Nerd Pillows

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

"They're class action figures."

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

Beware of the Legislation

"I'm Mr. Trump's attorney and this is my attorney. Once his attorney arrives, we can begin."

Efrain Rios Montt sentence overthrown.

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

Law Offices

'I'm feeling down, too - Why don't we pass some feel-good legislation?'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living Constitution!'

'They just need a little tweaking and updating...like the first one...people abuse it, so I'm changing it to the right for everyone to shut up around me.'

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

Civil and In-Civil Court

All-way stops.

"The People rest, Your Honor."

Computer questionning a witness.

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

'We can skip this next case, Your Honor - the defendant has already been tried and convicted by the press.'

"Do you want a democracy where every vote counts or where we count every vote?"

"O.K., O.K., I took over his company, I stole his wife and I ate him, now can I go?"

"We truly regret that you were unjustly imprisoned for 63 years, and we're sure you'll enjoy your new-found freedom."

SCOTUS

'Honey, this lawyer says that if you call now, all of your problems will magically disappear and he'll throw in a free pen if you call in the next 5 minutes!'

'If the truth will set you free, what's the deal with the Fifth Amendment?'

"I can't believe a mother was jailed because of her kid's truancy."

'Well, no Henderson, I said para legals.'

"We were assigned 'Hanging Judge Carter', but don't worry, they no longer execute by hanging in this state."

'I told you we should have testified SOMETHING but the truth!'

"Permission to treat the witness as hostile, your honor?"

"Looks like we have a full house tonight."

"He's showboating. Don't let it get to you."

'They figure that if they're giving us adult prison sentences they also have to give us adult sized prison garb.'

'Your reason for non-attendance last time was, 'I'd seen too many courtroom dramas on telly and didn't fancy it'.'